So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ladies don't puke and tell
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
