he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
