Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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