i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
