by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
