yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
