i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
