Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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