I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
