You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
