if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You need a sexual gate keeper
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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