If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
