so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
