She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
