my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
