I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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