If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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