I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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