My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
