The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She even gives head with a lisp.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
