I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
