yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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