I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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