It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
