I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
