The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
