I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
