Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

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  (646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." http://tfl.nu/5gls
  Replies (31) Good night (1214) Bad night (4955)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry

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  (602): shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry http://tfl.nu/ty7k
  Replies (16) Good night (8027) Bad night (1072)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.

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  (267): Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup. http://tfl.nu/dysq
  Replies (10) Good night (3185) Bad night (931)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk

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  (267): you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk http://tfl.nu/tgll
  Replies (4) Good night (3053) Bad night (1169)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE

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  (575): I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE http://tfl.nu/fcs3
  Replies (8) Good night (4043) Bad night (953)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.

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  (603): I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay. http://tfl.nu/s25q
  Replies (8) Good night (4122) Bad night (1137)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.

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  (301): He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship. http://tfl.nu/zlr0
  Replies (7) Good night (1003) Bad night (462)
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  (718): View more from New York

  cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever

  (347): View more from New York

  The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer

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  (718): cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever (347): The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer http://tfl.nu/lzsh
  Replies (1) Good night (1150) Bad night (469)
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  (661): View more from California

  Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.

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  (661): Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me. http://tfl.nu/rph6
  Replies (1) Good night (800) Bad night (503)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today

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  (570): woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today http://tfl.nu/g1oy
  Replies (1) Good night (1038) Bad night (400)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.

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  (317): Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it. http://tfl.nu/ks3m
  Replies (3) Good night (790) Bad night (407)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"

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  (717): They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail" http://tfl.nu/whag
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (428)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."

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  (231): When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow." http://tfl.nu/oct6
  Replies (4) Good night (402) Bad night (819)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...

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  (307): I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me... http://tfl.nu/hfzb
  Replies (1) Good night (686) Bad night (336)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.

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  (847): You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future. http://tfl.nu/thxq
  Replies (1) Good night (371) Bad night (147)

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