And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
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For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
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Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.