dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am spending my child support on dildos
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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