It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.