Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.