Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.