Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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