so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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