Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Text me some of your sweat
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
