Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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