I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
