I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
