i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
