That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
