i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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