Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
