I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I would fuck him just for his dog
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
