she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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