im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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