i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
then he tried to convert me to islam
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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