A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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