I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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