I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
