What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
