If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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