I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
