Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
