when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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