Farmville is her only friend.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
