I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
