So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
