$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
