We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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