Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
