needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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