It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
