am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
