that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
