Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
