Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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