Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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