I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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