I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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