There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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